procrastinate
the edges we push against
It’s easy to be scared of the self that is on the other side of change.
It’s why we procrastinate, I think.
Why we self sabotage, why we want to do something but just don’t make that first step. Why the change we see for ourself does not come.
Dreams stall, intentions idle, plans dissipate.
The blockage is not the change, not the effort or the fear of the unknown. The blockage is the grief for what we will leave behind as we cross over.
The good, the bad, and the ugly of what will fall away when we make the movement towards the new; away from the old thing we are done with. The grief for an age, for a phase, a person, a habit, a place, an identity, a role. The grief for what we will lose, even when we are ready to leave it behind and be done with it at last.
When we start to see procrastination as a type of mourning, it becomes a valuable and essential process of the changing self, rather than a stuck and passive void of not being enough to move on.
This grief is one of the most important edges we push up against, and it needs to be lived fully. It needs to be offered time, space, and a voice; recognition. It needs cherishing and nurturing to make us ready to take the first leap into what we become, and the last leap out of what we were.
Procrastination - looked at like this - IS the leap; at least the leap before the leap into change.
What we want is possible. Living the life we know is right for us is within our grasp. We simply need to be learning about what this means.
We can all see the bears of mourning that stand in our way.
As long as we choose to look.
by Lucy Campbell from the japanese fairytale "Crescent Moon Bear"